Monday, May 28, 2007

Steve!'s Personal Ad

need an unstable man for a drama filled relationship…

Hi there,

I’m seeking a like-minded man to share a disastrous 3-9 month relationship with, ending in acrimony, emotional chaos, and possibly legal proceedings.

I’m a 20 something year old, somewhat educated, I hold down a good job and am pretty stable. I’m told I’m fairly good looking (read "dork"), but I’ll let you be the judge of that - I’m generally caring and very honest.

I am looking for an attractive male who will at first give me obsessive love, praise and devotion - but whose paranoia, self-loathing and fear of rejection and abandonment will eventually lead him to alternately push me away and pull me closer in a love/hate cycle that will lead to infidelity, consensual sexual violence, and the eventual emotional breakdown of one or other party - or if we’re lucky - both!

You should:

* be 20 to 35 years old;
* have a history of short, intense, drama-driven relationships;
* enjoy degrading and dehumanizing sex;
* have undergone negative psychiatric evaluations in the past; and
* be willing to threaten self-harm and/or annihilation as a weapon to control your partner and make them stay with you and care for you.

Although not completely necessary, I would prefer men:

* with nice smiles;
* that have a larger than average package;
* who are married or already in unstable relationships;
* that drink to forget; and
* who have had a previous established diagnosis of Borderline or Dependent Personality Disorder or Bi-Polar Affective Disorder - or who are currently taking Lithium Carbonate, SSRIs, or Tri-cyclic antidepressants

If you think you meet these requirements (and wow, I’m getting excited just writing them!), please don’t hesitate to get back to me as soon as possible. In the meantime, thank you for reading my advert, and do take care.

All the best,

Steve!


3 Comments:

Blogger Happy Mutant said...

This post should not lead you to believe I was searching through the men seeking men section of the newspaper.

8:48 PM  
Blogger Steve! said...

Are you saying that I am gay?

2:50 PM  
Blogger Happy Mutant said...

Either you or EPU

9:13 PM  

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