Thursday, October 25, 2007


Arguably the most important advancement of humankind was the discovery of how to make fire. Man and Fire had a great relationship, and it went well for many centuries. Fire provided man with the ability to fend of wild animals, cook food, and for the first time let him control light and warmth. In return, Man provided Fire with Wood burn.

As time passed, there were some rough spots in what appeared to be a solid long term relationship. Fire started to suspect that Man was cheating on it. It started of when Man introduced Fire to Electricity. Soon, it was "And then Electricity lit up a light bulb!" , "Electricity can cook my food!", and "Electricity can do this, Electricity can do that." It was non stop talk about Electricity, and Fire was getting left out.

Man had a hunch that Fire was catching on so he introduced Fire to Coal. Fire and Coal got along great. They would spend hours upon hours burning with each other. Fire was in love with Coal. Coal had much more staying power than what Wood did, and Fire was all about staying power. But soon, Fire caught onto what Man was doing. He was using this new Fire/Coal relationship, to make more Electricity. Fire was super upset and the feud was on.

Fire then went back to Wood. However, Man would put out Fire as soon as it would start combusting. Even if Fire started in the middle of no where in a remote wooded area, Man would cut down Wood, and dump Water on Fire to stop them from being together.

Man then started a huge PR campaign against Fire. Man would tell its offspring to not play with Fire because it was dangerous. Fire had to then go underground. He started to hide in matches and lighters. Man soon caught on, and then prohibited the sale of matches and lighters to its young. Most recently, man wouldn't even let it to go onto airplanes.

Man has historically abused, cheated, and oppressed Fire. Can't burn during the summer, can't fly on a plane, can't play with kids, can't vote, and can't even get a job.

Well, Fire is fed up with it and is fighting back. Fire has started All out War on Man, specifically all the tree hugging hippie wacko's out in California. Man has brought in its best fire fighters, water hauling airplanes, and even tried to turn Fire against itself by setting other Fires to kill of all the Wood out there so Fire will have to give up.

Too bad for Man that Fire and Wood have joined forces with Wind to tear shit up. Wind doesn't much care for Man either. They got along fine for a long time, until Wind caught on that those play grounds that Man made for Wind were actually Windmills. Mans way of enslaving Wind to make...Electricity!!

Hippies beware, Fire is pissed and he is bringing his friends.


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