The Sunday Campaign

Our country has many enemies. Today, our country must confront yet another face of evil. My fellow Americans, our country is at a pivotal time in its history. The forces of evil are waging war against the forces of good. Because of this, I have deployed our league's most elite group of Patriots to remove this new threat to our nations youth. The Colts must be must be stopped for many reasons, but the most important reason, is for the future of our children.

1. A colt of course is a gun. And as we know, guns kill people. Actually guns kill cute little kids. If you cheer for the Colts you are cheering for more guns to kill kids. Do you want little kids to be killed?

2. How about Colt 45? Malt liquor. Liquor causes people to drive drunk. Driving drunk kills little babies. Do you really want to kill little babies?

3. Colt studio group. Producers of gay pornography. Gayness is an abomination. If you are gay, your going to hell. Do you want your kids to go to hell?

4. Cranes. Juvenile cranes are called colts. Cranes are large, long-legged and long-necked birds. My father used to call them rope shitters. If your out on the river and a crane is flying over head, watch out. They poo like no other animal. When they let go, a long rope of shit comes from the sky and lands on your kids. Do you want your kids to be shit on?

5. A colt is a young horse. A group of colts are is called a rag. A rag is a worthless piece of cloth or clothing. Who wears rags? Sluts wear rags, and I don't want your kids to be supporting sluts. Sluts are for EPU.

I am Monkeytron, and I want to be your president.